My barber’s name is Luis, and as I write this he’s 20. Luis grew up poor, in a troubled home. Not the kind of background that typically produces Marines. Yet there he was, telling me about his decision to enlist. “I’m doing it for my siblings,” he said. Luis has four of them, ages 9 to 18. “I want to show them we can get out of this life. That we’re not stuck.”

Luis’s story is compelling because it embodies both sides of the motivation coin. On one side, there’s the fear – the fear of watching his siblings repeat the cycle of poverty. On the other, there’s the aspiration – the desire to be a role model, to prove that success is possible.

This duality of motivation isn’t unique to Luis. I’ve felt it myself.

When I was younger, I lived in a broken home (my parents were divorced when I was a baby and I moved around a lot) and we struggled financially. This experience had a profound impact on me. It shaped my goals and the things I wanted to achieve in life. From a very young age I became determined to create a different future for myself and only hang around people who built me up, not who teared me down and doubted me.

The power of our past can be a strong force in shaping our motivations. Two main things have driven me throughout my life: the desire for freedom and the fear of failing and returning to where I started. These twin motivators have been constant companions on my journey. The idea of having the freedom to make my own choices and live life on my terms has always been appealing to me. But at the same time, I’ve been pushed forward by the fear of ending up back in the difficult situation I came from.

Because of my background, I’ve always dreamed of having a perfect wife (which I got in your Grandmother) and a career that would give me financial stability. I wanted to be able to take care of my kids and my wife, to provide them with the security I didn’t have growing up. These dreams of stability and security became a powerful driving force in my life.

Looking back, I realize that our past experiences, both good and bad, can be powerful motivators. They can push us to work hard and strive for better things. But it’s also important to remember that perfection isn’t realistic, and it’s okay to adjust our goals as we grow and learn. This quest for a better life is a journey many of us undertake.

The sweet spot, I think, is where fear and aspiration meet. Where the desire to avoid pain pushes you to move, and the vision of a better future pulls you forward. This is what I see in Luis. He’s not just running from poverty; he’s running towards a better life for himself and his siblings. He’s using his past not as an anchor, but as a launch pad.

Once I achieved a level of success – and let me be clear about what I mean by that. Success isn’t only an end goal, but a journey. I considered myself successful when I had completed my education, married your grandmother, established a good career, and started our family. It was at this point that I began to ponder the motivation of my own children, your parents.

In some ways, I worried. Their upper-middle-class upbringing was worlds apart from my own childhood experiences. They didn’t know what it was like to live in a broken home, to yearn for something as fundamental as having both parents under one roof, or to face financial or educational constraints. I found myself wondering: How would they find motivation without the stark contrasts and challenges that had driven me?

It’s a common concern among parents who’ve worked hard to provide better lives for their children. We worry that comfort might breed complacency. That without the harsh realities we faced, our kids might lack the fire that fueled our own ambitions.But here’s what I’ve learned: motivation isn’t solely born from hardship. It can spring from many sources.

As it turns out, I didn’t have anything to worry about. Each of your parents has grown into a motivated, ambitious, and aspirational individual. They’ve found their own drivers, their own reasons to strive and achieve. It’s a testament to the fact that the human spirit’s desire to grow and improve isn’t limited to those who’ve faced adversity.

Your parents’ motivations might be different from mine. Perhaps they’re driven by a desire to make a positive impact on the world, to explore their potential, or to create something meaningful. Maybe they’re motivated by the example we set, or by the opportunities they see before them.

The key is that they’ve found their own path, their own reasons to push forward and reach higher. And that’s what really matters.

Now, looking at your generation, I see the same spark. I know the homes you’re growing up in, the values you’re being taught, and the examples being set for you. And I don’t worry about you one bit.

Your motivations will be your own. They might come from challenges you face, dreams you harbor, or simply from a desire to see what you’re capable of achieving. The source doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you recognize and nurture that motivation.

Remember, motivation isn’t about replicating someone else’s journey. It’s about finding what drives you, what makes you want to get up in the morning and make a difference. It’s about discovering your own aspirations and having the ambition to pursue them.

So don’t worry if your path doesn’t look like mine, or like your parents’. What matters is that you’re on a path, moving forward, always striving to be the best version of yourself. That’s the true measure of success, regardless of where you start from.

As you go through life, try to understand what drives you. Is it the desire for something better? The fear of something worse? Or maybe a combination of both? Whatever it is, use it as fuel to move forward.  And you will get there over time. But also remember to enjoy the journey. This journey of personal growth is what life is all about.

Most importantly, know that no matter where you come from or what challenges you face, you have the power to shape your own future. Your past doesn’t define you, but it can inspire you to create the life you want. There’s always hope for the future.