I can be an intolerant fellow, just ask Cookie.  I don’t like to associate with people who are liars, thieves, cheats, crooks, philanderers, ass holes, lazy, conniving, and these are just a few of the many I could list.  Maybe Cookie is right.  I have a line that I just prefer people don’t cross.  I would rather deal with people who are accelerators to my goals and values versus anchors to them.  And these kinds of people pull you down with them.  I believe that I will succeed or fail largely based on my convictions and who I hang around with.  If you hang around losers you will become a loser.  Just look around.  Highly successful and good humans hang around with like people.  So I make choices.  

On the other hand, I am happy to be tolerant with people who are different than me but positive and help me become a better person. People from other cultures who speak different languages, religions, political affiliations, lifestyles, socio economic status, rich people, poor people and this list goes on as well.  I have learned a lot from some very different people. 

My line of tolerance is based on ethics not differences.  But enough about me.  How about some of my wisdom that perhaps can help you now or down the road. 

Life will test your values, challenge your convictions, and demand difficult choices. Among the most complex challenges you’ll face is understanding and applying the concept of tolerance. It’s a fundamental skill that can foster harmony and growth, but when misapplied or blindly followed it can lead to people running over your long-held beliefs and values.  You can’t let that happen. 

Understanding when to be tolerant and when to stand firm will matter to you. Let me share some thoughts about striking this balance.

Tolerance, at its core, is about accepting and coexisting with beliefs, practices, or ways of life different from your own. It’s essential for building relationships and working in diverse teams. But it’s not about accepting everything without question. In fact, blind tolerance can be dangerous, leading to the erosion of your own values and potentially enabling harmful behaviors or ideologies.

It’s critical to recognize that there are situations where tolerance is not appropriate—where standing firm against wrongdoing is the only right course of action. For instance, you can never tolerate violence against innocent people, like someone pushing your mother down the stairs. You must not tolerate adults in positions of authority, like teachers, pressuring children into life-altering decisions about their gender identity. And of course, you can never tolerate heinous crimes like murder. These examples might seem extreme, but they illustrate an important point: tolerance has limits. It should never extend to actions or ideologies that cause harm, violate fundamental human rights, or go against your core ethical principles. Recognizing these boundaries is crucial for maintaining a just and safe society and for you to have a happy and productive life. 

So, tolerance doesn’t mean accepting or approving of everything. It’s about making a conscious choice to allow for differences, even when you disagree. This is where discernment comes into play. As you build your careers and relationships, you’ll need to develop what I call “discerning tolerance”—the ability to be open to differences while maintaining a strong sense of your own values.

In practice, this might mean respectfully engaging with colleagues whose views differ from yours but also knowing when to draw the line if those views lead to harmful behaviors. Or it could mean accepting a friend’s lifestyle choices that you wouldn’t make for yourself while still being true to your own path. It’s about finding the balance between respect for diversity and standing up for what you believe is right.

It’s crucial to understand the difference between tolerance and patience. Tolerance is about accepting differences, while patience is the ability to remain calm in the face of delays or difficulties. In your professional and personal lives, you’ll need both—tolerance for diverse perspectives and patience when things don’t progress as quickly as you’d like. But neither should come at the expense of your integrity, your well-being or your core beliefs. Some things are just not okay.  And this world is full of a bunch of weirdos trying to convince you (sometimes in a very slick way) that their stupid ways of life are ok, when you know they are not. 

As you make decisions throughout your life, let tolerance guide you, but don’t let it override your judgment. Be open to new ideas and perspectives—they can lead to innovation and personal growth. But also trust your instincts when something doesn’t feel right. There will be times when intolerance is the appropriate response, particularly when faced with ideas or actions that are harmful, unethical, or go against fundamental human rights or your deeply held beliefs.

When faced with a situation that challenges your tolerance, seek to understand before judging. There’s often more to a story than what’s immediately apparent. Reflect on your core values and consider whether they’re being compromised or just challenged. Think about the broader impact; sometimes tolerating a minor annoyance can lead to greater harmony or opportunities. But be wary of tolerating things that go against your core principles or that could lead to harm.

If you need to set boundaries, communicate clearly and do so respectfully but firmly. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground when it matters. Being tolerant doesn’t mean being a pushover or sacrificing your own beliefs and well-being for the sake of getting along.

Remember, being tolerant doesn’t mean being passive. It means having the wisdom to accept differences, the courage to stand up for your beliefs, and the discernment to know when each is appropriate. It’s about engaging with the world openly but critically—always being ready to reassess your position based on new information but also being prepared to defend your values when necessary.

As you build your careers, form relationships, and shape your lives, this balanced approach to tolerance will serve you well. It will help you collaborate effectively, lead with empathy, and navigate complex social and professional landscapes. But it will also ensure that you remain true to yourselves and your principles.

I have faith in your ability to strike this balance and use tolerance as a tool for personal growth and for you to have a positive impact in the world. Life will challenge you in unexpected ways—but if you hold onto this understanding of tolerance as both a virtue and a boundary-setting skill, you’ll be ready for whatever comes next.