Of all the essays I have written to you, pay particular attention to this one.  It’s a real life changer.  At least, it has been for me. 

“So What, Now What.”

It’s a mental model I learned from my favorite sports and business psychologist Dr. Kevin Elko.  You release yourself from the past and focus on what you’re going to do next.

It’s pops up in my reminders every single day and I think of them often.   

The beauty of this concept lies in its simplicity. “So What” acknowledges that something has happened. It could be a failure, a setback, or an unexpected turn of events. But instead of dwelling on it, you quickly move to “Now What.”

This is where the real power lies. It’s a pivot from the past to the present and future, a call to action that asks, “What are you going to do next?”

As humans I’ve got to tell you that as much as we try, stuff doesn’t always go our way.  And we make mistakes.  And although there is great power in learning from our difficulties, and you should learn from them, dwelling on them is useless.  It’s a vampire and sucks the life out of you. 

How often have you seen someone—maybe even yourself—get stuck over a past mistake or misfortune? It’s a common human tendency, but it’s also a dangerous one. It can lead to a kind of mental paralysis, where you’re so focused on what went wrong that you can’t see the path forward.

The “So What, Now What” approach cuts through this paralysis. It gives you permission to briefly acknowledge what happened, extract any valuable lessons, and then shift your focus to what you can do next. It’s a way of maintaining momentum, even in the face of adversity.

This mindset is valuable in the context of pursuing a life mission or building something significant. When you’re working towards a big goal, setbacks are inevitable. The difference between those who achieve their goals and those who don’t often comes down to how they handle these setbacks.

But it is also helpful each and every day when we do something we realize perhaps wasn’t the most helpful thing to do at that time.  Maybe a scowl, an unkind word, a lack of patience…who knows what it is or will be.  And while we always need to reflect on these things to make them better, a simple “so what, now what” – with a focus on the “now what” is useful.

This philosophy isn’t a free pass for dismissive or inconsiderate behavior. Instead, it’s a tool for personal growth and forward momentum. The “So What” step involves brief reflection on past events or circumstances, not ignoring or dismissing what happened, but acknowledging it without dwelling excessively. The “Now What” part is where you focus your energy, taking action and making decisions that will positively impact your future. It’s important to recognize that this approach can be misused if not properly understood. Avoid using it as an excuse for insensitivity or rudeness, adopting a dismissive attitude towards past events or others’ feelings, or neglecting to learn from past experiences. The right perspective involves acknowledging the past without being paralyzed by it, learning from experiences to inform future decisions, focusing on actions within your control, and moving forward constructively. Remember, while you can’t change the past, you have full control over your next steps. This approach empowers you to make positive choices and take meaningful action, rather than remaining stuck in unproductive thought patterns.

In practice, applying this principle might look something like this: Something goes wrong. You take a moment to acknowledge it. “Okay, that happened.” Then you ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” But you don’t linger there. You quickly pivot to, “Given what I now know, what’s my next move?” And then you act.

This approach builds resilience. It trains you to bounce back quickly from setbacks. Over time, you become less fazed by failures or unexpected obstacles because you know you have a framework for dealing with them.

It’s worth noting that this mindset aligns well with many philosophical and religious teachings about focusing on the present and future rather than dwelling on the past. It’s a timeless wisdom, packaged in a memorable phrase.

The “So What, Now What” principle is a powerful tool for you to make progress in your life or work. It keeps you focused on what you can control. It prevents you from getting bogged down in regret or self-pity. And perhaps most importantly, it keeps you moving forward, always taking the next step towards your goals.

In a world that can distract and discourage us (if you let it), having a simple, actionable framework like this can be invaluable. So the next time you face a setback, remember: “So What, Now What.” Acknowledge what happened, learn from it if you can, and then focus all your energy on your next move. That’s where the real power lies.

And put it in your daily reminders so you see it every day.  That way you will automatically default to this principle when the waves rock your boat.