Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, bright days and dark nights. As you grow and experience the world, you’ll find that joy and sorrow often walk hand in hand. It’s crucial to understand that this mix of light and shadow isn’t just normal—it’s an integral part of what makes us human.

I’m writing this not only to share my wisdom to prepare you for some of those dark times but also to give you a few things you can do now and every day to handle the dark more intentionally (I’m not sure this translates into more “easily”).

Some of this darkness is natural and to be expected—like the passing of elderly relatives. It may hurt, but it’s part of the cycle of life we all understand and, to some degree, anticipate. When I die, go on with your lives and realize I was old. 

Then there are the shadows that fall unexpectedly, the unnatural darkness that catches us off guard. These are the true challenges, the moments that test our resilience and spirit. It might be a diagnosis that comes out of nowhere, like when your grandmother discovered she had breast cancer in her early 50s. Or it could be something that, in the grand scheme of things, might seem trivial but in the moment feels all-consuming—like a breakup with a loved boyfriend or girlfriend.

These unexpected dark times are uncomfortable often extremely painful. They bubble up the “why me” and bring us to question the wisdom of God. I sure do. Even Mother Teresa, who I write about in one of my essays to you, questioned her faith sometimes. Why would God do these things? I must say that I am not smart enough to answer this question. Indeed, it will be my first question to Him when I get to heaven.

The question isn’t whether you’ll face these challenges—you will—but how you’ll navigate through them. This is where the power of gratitude comes in.

But first – here’s the crucial point: you cannot wait until dark times arrive to start practicing gratitude. It’s something you must cultivate every single day of your life, especially during the good times.

Our lives are filled with blessings, often so numerous that we might overlook them in the rush of daily existence. As I write this, two days before Christmas 2024, I’m acutely aware of the abundance surrounding me. The sound of Christian and Cookie making biscotti in the kitchen, the view of the bay on a beautiful day from my window, my great health, Madison sleeping peacefully upstairs, and the joy of having three incredibly awesome children who all married the best women of the century (my new daughters as I call them), and four amazing grandkids. All my five senses work perfectly, allowing me to fully experience these moments. And I’ve just completed my daily practice of writing down three things I’m grateful for.

This daily practice of gratitude is like exercising a muscle. It’s not something you do occasionally or only when you feel like it. It’s a commitment you make to yourself every single day, without fail. The more we consciously think about and express gratitude every day, the stronger our capacity for appreciation becomes. It’s not just about feeling good in the moment; it’s about building resilience that serves us well when darker times inevitably come.

Think of gratitude as a form of emotional immunity. Just as your body needs regular exposure to various stimuli to build a robust immune system, your mind needs daily practice in recognizing and appreciating the good in your life to build emotional resilience. When you consistently acknowledge your blessings, you’re essentially training your mind to seek out the positive, even in challenging situations.

Expressions of gratitude are indeed like the white blood cells in your body. They’re your first line of defense against negativity and despair. Just as white blood cells rush to fight infection, your practiced gratitude can quickly mobilize to combat feelings of hopelessness or despair when challenges arise. But remember, it’s hard to produce these “white blood cells” of gratitude on demand when darkness hits if you haven’t practiced them during good times. You need to have been cultivating them every day, building up your reserves for when you need them most. Just like you can’t hit a great golf shot in a pressure situation if you haven’t spent a lot of time practicing that same shot without the pressure. 

This daily habit of gratitude doesn’t make you immune to darkness or pain, but it does equip you with a powerful tool to navigate through those difficult times. When you’ve spent time appreciating the light every single day, you’re better prepared to face the darkness. You have a reservoir of positive experiences and memories to draw upon, reminding you that good things exist and will return.

I cannot stress this enough: make gratitude a non-negotiable part of your daily routine. Take time each day, without exception, to consciously think about and express thanks for the blessings in your life, no matter how small they may seem. Write them down, share them with others, or simply reflect on them quietly. This daily practice will serve you well, building your resilience and helping you find light even in the darkest of times. It’s a simple yet powerful tool that can profoundly impact your life, just as it has mine.

This daily practice is your lifeline—nurture it, cherish it, and let it guide you through both the brightest days and the darkest nights of your journey.